Satire

30 Year Old Male Teacher Fucks 14 Year Old Female Student

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it.

In a town nobody has ever heard of in Colorado, a 30 year old high school math teacher named Jack MeHoff had sexual intercourse with one of his students, 14 year old Anita Biggun. Nothing would have happened if Anita hadn’t told her foster mother, Sharon Cox.

 

“I think this is a disgrace to both the school and the teachers!!” Sharon bemoaned.

 

Jack MeHoff was briefly arrested and attended court, but the female judge dismissed the case, stating, “This was the best day of Anita’s life. I wish he had been MY teacher when I was in high school.” When we posted this story on Facebook, thousands of women commented, saying, “I sooooo wish he had been my math teacher! This girl’s no victim. She had the time of her life!”

 

Others, however, didn’t feel the same, with only a handful of people saying things like: “If this had been a female teacher, imagine how many years in prison she would get. She’d even have to register as a sex offender! Fuck this double standard!!!”

 

Whenever the prosecutor was talking about Anita being a victim, everybody in the courtroom, including the judge, burst out into laughter. The judge had to call “ORDER” over 20 times as everybody was laughing too hard at the idea Anita was a victim, especially the women. The ladies in the courtroom were blurting out things like “BULLSHIT” followed by chuckles whenever they heard the prosecutor call Anita Biggun a victim.

 

“This girl’s a fucking hero,” said one of the women in the courtroom audience after Jack MeHoff’s charges were dismissed. There were other women walking by giving her high-fives after she told us that.

 

Before long, every female student in Anita’s high school looked up to her as a goddess because she managed to score some dick from Mr. MeHoff, their “super cute” math teacher. Speaking of “super cute,” that phrase was used constantly when we questioned Anita’s classmates about Mr. MeHoff.

 

One of Anita’s female classmates said, “This is every girl’s dream.” She was talking about the idea of fucking a cute male teacher.

 

A recent female graduate stated, “I don’t understand what the big fuss is about. If I’d had a teacher like that, I’d have NEVER complained!!”

 

“What teenage girl would say no to a stud like Mr. MeHoff? He’s fucking drop dead gorgeous! Sure, he should be punished, but little innocent Anita knew exactly what the fuck she was doing! AND SHE LOVED IT!! Millions of other teenage girls only WISH they were in Anita’s shoes!!” the father of three daughters exclaimed, going on, “If Anita were MY daughter, I’d be giving her high-fives and hell, I’d even throw a fucking party!!!”

 

I finally caught up with Anita Biggun, the “victim” in this– OH MY GOD MY STOMACH HURTS!!! The victim in– HAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, I can’t refer to her as a victim (lol). Anyway, I caught up with Anita, the vict– ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

Anita had this to say: “I’m the luckiest girl in school. I wanted some dick and Mr. MeHoff had a huge dick. It felt so warm inside me and I had multiple orgasms. I’d do it again in a heartbeat! He’s fucking HOT!!!” I asked her further questions about the controversy– ahahahahahahaha nobody seriously thinks this girl is a victim there’s no controversy (rofl)– she declined to comment further, telling me, “I think my words speak for themselves.”

 

An alumni of the school, an Asian woman named Sucki Fucki, told me, “Dayuummmm!!! MY math teachers never looked anything like that! Anybody who knows ANYTHING about teenage female hormones would agree there’s no ‘victim’ in this. Anita’s a goddamn motherfucking hero!”

 

Oh, poor Anita (lol). She must be traumatized!!! One of Anita Biggun’s classmates hates her. The hater declared, “Anita won’t stop bragging about getting dick from a teacher. I can’t stand this slut. No idea what Mr. Mehoff was thinking! He must just have bad taste!!”

 

Some old Debbie Downer from a nearby church told us the following: “No boundaries, no morals, and no class. You think Anita is the only student Mr. Jack MeHoff has screwed? THINK AGAIN!!! At least quadruple that number! He’s such a fuckboi.”

 

A preacher, who asked to remain anonymous, said this: “Damn, that girl doesn’t look 14. She looks 24. Wow, man… they don’t make ’em like they used to!! Must be something in the milk… or the water. I don’t know!”

 

Jack MeHoff, the Algebra teacher at Gut Herslut High School, got away with a slap on the wrist and no jail time. Imagine if this had been a FEMALE TEACHER!!! Holy shit, she’d be in prison for 20 years and lose her entire career. I hate this double standard!! But Mr. MeHoff? Nothing. His victim (lmao) Anita must be so traumatized. I bet this had life-shattering consequences for her (rofl).

 

UPDATE: Mr. Jack MeHoff was promoted to a six-figure salary job as head of the Board of Education less than one week after his charges were dismissed.

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