WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it.
From our most trusted meteorologists, who all wished to remain anonymous of course, we have learned that Hurricane Jose is set to slam into the US east coast.
“I can’t believe it. Jose is an illegal hurricane heading to Washington DC, straight for Trump,” John, the meteorologist dude stated, continuing, “We believe the only way to make it change course is for President Trump to stop pushing for the border wall.”
This is one Jose that WILL NOT be kept out of America. President Trump is basically asking for it because he’s gonna build a wall and Jose is fucking pissed! We sent a couple of reporters to ask Hurricane Jose why he was so angry at Trump. Here’s what we discovered…
“Excuse me, Hurricane Jose. Why is it you want to slam into the White House so badly?” a venerated fake news reporter asked. The other journalist was right behind him with prepared questions of her own.
In response, Hurricane Jose made wind noises and sucked up both reporters! We haven’t found those unfortunate reporters yet, but we think they must have voted Trump to be killed like that by Hurricane Jose! It looks like we’ll never know the exact reasons why Jose is so fucking mad at Donald Trump, but we suspect it’s that goddamn border wall!!!
“Because we’re such a completely 100% factual truth-telling source of news, we’ll keep you updated on Hurricane Jose’s plan to smash the fascist Trump administration in Washington DC,” meteorologist John remarked, finishing with, “More at eleven!!!”
UPDATE: Democrats who voted for Hillary Clinton are safe from Hurricane Jose’s wrath reportedly.