Satire

Trump declares Washington DC as US Capital – Liberals are Furious

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it.

In a bold and controversial move, President Trump declared Washington DC as the capital of United States. Outrage poured across the lands as people protested this move, saying there will be “serious consequences.” Nobody was more angry than the Amish, whose deeply held religious beliefs declare Washington DC to be the capital of Canada, not the US.

 

Liberals are pissed off because of Trump’s insensitivity to the extremely super deep religious beliefs of the Amish, saying he needs to be “impeached.” It’s unheard of to hear liberals declare Trump should be impeached, so that’s how we know it’s serious. The Canadian United Nations Trade Society, or CUNTS, are preparing to launch an attack on the holy city of Washington DC to retaliate against Trump’s insensitive move.

 

“This proves Trump is a goddamn no good for nothing motherfucking racist!” screamed an Antfia protester, currently unemployed.

 

“Obviously Trump is xenophobic, fearing foreign people and trembling in his shoes upon seeing a Mexican,” commented Maxine Waters.

 

“THE PROPHECY HAS BEEN FULFILLED!!!” shouted an Amish man as he readied his sword for battle, but then somebody shot him because nobody goes to war with a fucking sword in 2017.

 

Canadian officials complained to the UN that Trump stole their holy capital city. In response, European nations have REFUSED to acknowledge Washington DC as the capital of the United States, so there won’t be any European embassies there: no ambassadors from Europe.

 

“This move from Trump proves he’s ignorant of the Amish people’s beliefs. Any good president would never declare ownership of that holy city.”

 

Meanwhile, the Amish prepare for war so they can take back Canada’s rightful city of Washington DC. They have deeply held religious claims to DC, so everybody should acknowledge that instead of being big meanies.

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