Satire

‘Red Hen’ Restaurant Now Requires Customers to Show Their Voter Registration Cards

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it.

the red hen

The controversy surrounding the Red Hen restaurant in Lexington, Virginia has angered millions of Americans. As a result, they have restricted phone calls to their restaurant and many pro-Trump protesters have demonstrated against the restaurant. All this chaos caused the restaurant to take some new measures to ensure their future customers are the exact kind of people they want eating there.

The Red Hen hired an armed “door manager” whose job is to check the voter registration cards of all customers entering the restaurant. All voters registered in the “Communist Party” are allowed to enter immediately. However, if a voter is registered “Democrat”, the door manager must ask the customer 3 additional questions before being allowed entry. Here are the 3 questions, including the required answers:

1.) Do you agree with all ideas in the Communist Manifesto? Customers must answer “hell yes.”

2.) Do you think the Civil Rights Act was unfair to businesses? Customers must answer “hell fucking yes it was unfair.”

3.) Do you wish Jim Crow laws were back in full force in America? Customers must answer “absolutely goddamn yes I do.”

If customers registered as “Democrat” answer those 3 questions correctly, they’re allowed to enter. It’s important to note that, if a customer isn’t registered as either “Communist Party” or “Democrat”, that customer is NOT permitted to enter the Red Hen restaurant.

The main reason the “door manager” of the Red Hen is armed is “to shoot anybody who differs from us politically on sight.” Some call it “murder,” but really, is it murder? No, of course. It’s social justice.

Constructive criticism and opinions are welcome!

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