Satire

Trump Requires ICE to Wear Mandatory Body Cameras On Duty

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it.

Newark Police Body Cameras

In an effort to capture high quality video and audio footage of ICE agents arresting illegal immigrants, President Trump signed an executive order requiring all ICE agents to wear high-tech body cameras. At first, the fake news journalists here at The True World couldn’t figure out why Trump made such a bold move, but after further investigation, we discovered the reasons behind this executive order.

“Let’s face it. This isn’t a lot of material these days,” said Jeff Sessions, Attorney General of the United States. When asked about what he meant by that statement, he responded to us with, “Well, if ICE agents can’t record the full, RAW footage of ripping children from the arms of their parents, how am I supposed to ejaculate?” It was a good question posed by the Attorney General. Jeff Sessions continued with, “Even though the media has been covering our immigration policy wall-to-wall, they honestly haven’t released enough jerk-off material for me. In fact, I can’t beat my dick to the suffering of Hispanics with just the mainstream media’s footage. It’s a sad state of affairs, but I think we [the Trump administration] are finally going in the right direction.”

We, as a nation, should have sympathy for the Trump administration for the lack of masturbation material presented by the Fake News Destroy Trump Media. And, to be honest, Trump supporters need to experience orgasms like everybody else, so how can we call ourselves a civilized country if we don’t give them the porn they really deserve? That’s right; we can’t. Sadistic sexual fantasies about tormented Hispanic people are extremely common in today’s America, so it’s no surprise President Trump finally put his foot down to solve this issue. It’s a very important issue to Trump’s base. This growing problem of sexual frustration could never have been solved without mandatory body cameras for ICE agents.

Finally, we can all watch ICE agents ripping children from the arms of illegal immigrants, with lube, a box of Kleenex, and our dignity. Even if we feel ashamed after orgasm, at least we can see our fantasies in high video/audio quality. Trump, if you’re reading this, I want you to know the American people are behind you 100% on this new executive order.

To us American people, we’d like to see Hispanics in bondage and cages so that we can, finally, without judgment, beat our dicks and stroke our clits to the abuse of Hispanics. We have our privacy, lubrication, Kleenex boxes, and hands to ensure we make the most of this new footage of your immigration policy. Millions of orgasms will drown out the cries of commie liberals who are opposed to your “zero tolerance” immigration policy. In a Gallop Poll, 97% of Americans valued orgasms over the 3% who valued open borders. Most of us are beating our cocks and playing with our jellybeans as we watch your immigration policy unfold before our lustful eyes.

Constructive criticism and opinions are welcome!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.