Satire

Man Murdered For Saying “Happy Holidays” In West Virginia Dive Bar

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it. Johnny was worn out from being on the road so long. He was almost to Boston, where most of his family was located. Once there, he was going to celebrate Christmas, but driving made him anxious… Johnny walked into a dive bar in rural West Virginia for a couple of…

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Satire

Trump declares Washington DC as US Capital – Liberals are Furious

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it. In a bold and controversial move, President Trump declared Washington DC as the capital of United States. Outrage poured across the lands as people protested this move, saying there will be “serious consequences.” Nobody was more angry than the Amish, whose deeply held religious beliefs declare Washington DC to be…

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Satire

Rioters Have Dietary Deficiencies, Study Shows

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it. In St Louis, Missouri, peaceful demonstrators continue to make an impact, delivering a positive message of justice and disdain for Jason Stockley’s “not guilty” verdict. However, not all protesters are peaceful; some are rioters. When a protester becomes violent or destructive towards property, that protester becomes a rioter. Psychiatrists, therapists,…

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Satire

Trump Devastated At Hurricane Irma’s Mar-A-Lago Damage

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it. Today, President Trump visited Palm Beach, Florida to survey the damage caused by Hurricane Irma. Walking through places he had no world class resorts located in, Trump was calm and collected, almost calculated as he scanned for damages. Then, the unthinkable happened…   Trump visited his Mar-a-lago southern/winter “white house”…

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Satire

Berkeley Lets Ben Shapiro Speak Through Skype With No Audience

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it. To regain their fame as the apotheosis of free speech, UC-Berkeley has invited Ben Shapiro to speak. However, anti-free speech groups like Antifa think Ben is Literally Hitler, so Berkeley’s administration has predicted some people will be mildly upset about Shapiro’s appearance. For public safety reasons, UC-Berkeley has agreed to…

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Satire

Man Watches Solar Eclipse Without Going Live On Facebook

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it. In an act of sheer defiance and rebellion, Jimmy Burke in Kansas City watched the solar eclipse on August 21th 2017 WITHOUT going live on Facebook.   “There’s just no way to describe it. He’s nuts!” said a neighbor, “Facebook live to show off the solar eclipse is basically required…

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Satire

Anderson Cooper is Trump’s Abusive Ex

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it.   After condemning white supremacists of Charlottesville, Virginia, Trump’s PTSD was triggered by his abusive ex-boyfriend, Anderson Cooper. “I condemn the violence on both sides,” said Trump on August 12th, 2017.   In response, Anderson Cooper stated, “I can’t believe you didn’t condemn the racists by name!” So, Trump came…

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Satire

30 Year Old Male Teacher Fucks 14 Year Old Female Student

WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it. In a town nobody has ever heard of in Colorado, a 30 year old high school math teacher named Jack MeHoff had sexual intercourse with one of his students, 14 year old Anita Biggun. Nothing would have happened if Anita hadn’t told her foster mother, Sharon Cox.   “I think…

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Satire

The Texas Charlottesville Massacre

WARNING: Contains racial slurs. If you’re offended, I don’t care. Don’t write me about it or tell me about it. You’re wasting your time. WARNING: The following article is entirely fictitious and probably includes celebrities or public figures. Content is absolutely vulgar, obscene, and therefore nobody should read it. On the 11th and 12th of August 2017, there was a massacre in Charlottesville unlike any other. Millions of Antifa protesters were so angry that Trump…

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